It's a brand new year. Maybe you have made resolutions to take on this challenge or to change that area in your life.... If the following is your struggle, would you make this the year the one in which you take serious steps toward freedom in an area that is sapping the life out of communities of Canadians, and society in general. In a hyper-sexualized culture, addiction to porn is at an all-time high and taking ground every day. It's time to stop the trend and to take seriously the resources of authority and empowerment that God has available through a relationship with Jesus and with His Body on earth, the church. To get the conversation going, please read this life-giving story of a Pastor named Perry Noble and consider the 5 wise recommendation Steps he provides.
And know this, RCC in Kitchener, like Newspring in South Carolina, is a church where no perfect people are allowed. We journey together and even talk about this issue and others at our Sunday Gatherings.
Perry writes: "If you are struggling with porn or know someone who is, I pray sharing my story will help you or encourage you to seek help.
My dad and I bought one of the first satellite dishes that ever came out. If you are 40 or older, you remember those things—they were enormous! It was great because we had access to all of the movie channels. What was not so great is that as a 14-year-old child I had access to pornography nearly any time I wanted to see it. (And there are not many 14-year-old boys who would turn down that opportunity!)
We didn’t keep the satellite dish forever, but it began my addiction. Throughout high school, I would purchase magazines. I developed an unrealistic view of sex and an extremely unhealthy view of women. (Pornography is not art. It is the enemy minimizing the importance, the beauty, and the role of women. They are NOT sex objects, nor do they exist for a man's sexual gratification. Women exist to be pursued, loved, cherished, and treated with respect!)
In May of 1990, I accepted Christ and my life was changed; however, I had sown the seeds of porn into my life for five years…and that didn’t just go away overnight. In fact, I struggled with it for the next 10 years. I can’t even begin to tell you what I went through emotionally and spiritually. I doubted my salvation, I almost walked away from the ministry, I thought that God hated me. I just could not get control of the addiction.
Porn was my “secret sin” that no one knew about. I was not renting movies or buying magazines because of the fear that someone would see me. But anytime I had a chance to watch a movie with a nude scene, I took it. Anytime I had the chance to watch HBO or a channel like it, I didn’t turn it down.
Then in 1996 someone introduced me to the Internet. That is when things almost spiraled out of control. It wasn’t a big deal at first. I was just going to “research and see” what was out there so I could be a “more effective minister.” (If you are caught up in it, then you KNOW that excuse!)
I admit I wanted to die at times. I would do really good for a while—many times going months without choosing to look at porn — then BAM! I would surf the internet for several days in a row, yielding to the lure of the enemy’s voice.
Finally in March of 2000 I said, “No more!” I was getting married in April of that year, and I knew what a pornography addiction could do to a marriage. I can honestly say that since then I have not viewed pornography in any manner, and I thank God Who has provided that strength.
5 Steps I Took To Overcome Pornography That Still Help Me Today
1. Ask for accountability!
And I am not talking about finding someone who has the same problem as you, both of you confessing that you “messed up” that week, and then feeling OK because you were not the only one to sin. I am challenging you to find someone who [may have the same struggle with the problem but is overcoming it] and will get in your face. My accountability partner and I have made a $1,000 promise to one another. If he or I view porn, we have to write the other person a check for $1,000. It might not work for you, but there have been times I have been tempted and thought about my checkbook!
2. Get away from the net!
This is tough for an Internet junkie, but it is needed. Jesus said if your right eye causes you to sin then gouge it out, so I don’t think it is a stretch to say if your computer causes you to sin then get rid of it. I had to take this step. For about five years, I did not have Internet in my house. I didn’t trust myself. Even today, my computer has accountability software on it and a record of every site I visit is sent to a member of our executive team at New Spring. This holds me accountable.
3. Do not travel alone!
Men [and women], under no circumstances should you travel alone if you are struggling with this, especially if you are in the ministry. Tell your church that you wish to be a [person] of integrity, that temptation is real, and that they need to fork out the money NOW or LATER. (Later meaning they will have to hire another pastor/staff member and pay their moving expenses, etc., because they were too cheap to assist you in your walk!) New Spring never allows me to travel alone, and it has made a difference!
4. Tell your spouse!
S/he has a right to know, and s/he can pray for you in powerful ways. I told Lucretia about my struggles before we were married, and she still prays for me and holds me accountable today. This will hurt her, and it will put a strain on things. But if she finds out in some other way—and she will—then not only does she feel like you cheated on her but she feels lied to as well.
5. Ask God to help you to develop a healthy view of women and men.
One thing that helped me the most was when I began to think, “That woman is some man's daughter, and when I have a little girl I don’t want other men viewing her in a lustful way!” I have to admit—this one did it for me. I want my daughter to be treated with respect, and looking at someone with their clothes off in a lustful manner is not respect. It is self-gratification.
I have been there. I have struggled and I have overcome. And the same Jesus who lives inside of me lives inside of you. Please, for the sake of the Kingdom do something about this!"
Note: Also check out yourbrainonporn.com which has many resources to reboot one's brain and to become porn-free.